Sayu

Aku rasa. Aku sakit jiwa.

Entah kenapa asek sedih sedih sentiasa.
Duduk duduk sendiri pun boleh sesayu-sayu hati.

Kosong sekali.

Aku dah penat hidup sendiri.

Aku dah muak tgk org hidup seronok beradik beradik. Tak pernah tak sedih bila tgk betapa bestnya ade org utk dikongsi macam-macam.

Tapi Allah made me a loner. With no siblings.

And it hurts.

Every time, yes, every time when people talk about their adik, abang, kakak, I got hurt.

But this is forever.

nobody loves me except for my mum.

hmm. sedih sekali.
kalau aku mati skrg, aku tak rasa ada org yg sedih mana, kecuali mak aku, je.

hidup takde sesiapa, mmg, membunuh sebenarnya.

Aku dah penat. sendiri.

A dedication to a friend.

Assalamualaikum. 

So erm, I used to dedicate blog posts to friends that I really hope to be my forever friend in my old long lost blog that I dont even bukak lagi now. Most of them are school friends yang because of them my school life and my awful teenage years seems prettier. I am actually a survivor of zaman remaja yang teruk. Hahaha. They should make me duta belia 2008 sebenarnya. Lapuk sudah. kahkahkah, taklah, I am spoiled, a totally spoiled child, actually.

And for this post, its something different, it will be about a person that I met during my campus life. So the story goes like this. 

I faced a really tough first semester, I got sick like really really sick because I was so sad to be away from home , to be away from my mom that I almost quit. But I dont. The first semester was a nightmare and I really hate hostel, I have issues with hostels since my study in the prior institution lagi, and I quit that one. So, yang ni mcm dah teruk sgt kalau nak quit lagi. Tak jadik quit. Masuk je sem dua walaupun ade lah failed sikit2 subjek yang masih direpeat-repeat sehingga sekarang.

Sem dua. 

Sedih sedih itu masih ada. Bangun pagi tanpa mak, untuk org yg memang cuma ade mak je kat dalam dunia ni , perasaannya macam anak yatim. Bergenang-genang pagi petang siang malam. Buat buat happy depan orang tapi dalaman macam nak meninggal sakitnya. Dan dalam usaha aku untuk buat buat jadik kuat, tiba tiba datang seorang hamba Allah jadik roomate baru, jiran sebelah katil. I still remember the first time I saw her , balik2 kelas ade bakul2 kat luar bilik, ignore je sebab mcm taktau pun sape punya then petang tu terperasan ada org berdiri kat bakul2 tu, tersengih pakai baju biru gelap, then I asked " Nak masuk sini ke?" and she said "Ha'ah". And she smiled sweetly and thats it. It was a regular "get to know you" session. I was rushing home that evening so the perkenalan stops there. 

And berhari-hari after that, she didn't appear pun, I dont wait for her pun, I dont even care about her at that time. Macam. Tak kisah pun tapi pedulik tu ade la, sebab tak muncul2, barang dah ada. Orangnya ntah mana. (and as time flies I learned that, that's her, she is like that). haha

A week after that, she came up. Haha. And I asked, (a batak junior kinda question) "Selama ni duduk mana?". And she said "Duduk rumah kawan." pastu tanye lagi, "Tak pegi kelas ke". "Tak, ponteng seminggu". "Boleh ke?" "Boleh". Then I was like. wow. Cool gila. hahaha. But I didn't say it outloud, simpan dalam hati je. That was the first wow and the wow goes on and on and on berkali kali sampai skrg. Hahaha. She was such an awesome person, actually. Seriously.

So, we became friends. 

The first thing that I saw her did was, lipat baju. hahahaha.Oke abaikan.

And there come this one morning which I woke up moodily (still in the second semester), got morning blues and kinda down. Aku mmg selalu emo. haha. Pastu dye ajak aku makan breakfast, atas meja. Alah, meja lipat yg kene duduk bersila tu, meja student slalu pakai tu, aku dtg je la, duduk je, xde mood, lepastu, oke bayangkan ade sound effect ala-ala magical, dye amekkan semua, pinggan, makanan, makanan letakkan dlm pinggan, letak kat depan mata aku, aku tinggal makan je, dan sebab aku tgh down dan rasa mcm xde sesiapa waktu tu, tiba2 aku rasa mcm nampak rainbow, aku rasa mcm ade je org yg baik dalam dunia ni, ade je, terharu nak mampos, rasa mcm nak peluk2 tapi tak de la peluk, dah kenapa, haha,  it was such a simple deed je pun but then because of my mood at that time, it touched my soul. And, since that, every time when I'm with her, I feel so carefree. Everybody needs this kind of friend , at least one. Hmm, I dont even think that she remember this, coz she act nice to mostly everybody and I am just one of her friends that adore her because of her heart. Since the very beginning lagi. 

And this is just the first kindness, lepas yg ni, melambak lambak lagi, tak tercerita. Hahaha. dah cakap, everybody needs this kind of friend at least one, tak tau la brp kali aku nak ulang quote ni, HAHAHA. 

Nanti, 

nanti nanti, hopefully, nanti, 

Still boleh kawan lagi. Walaupun dah tak sama destiny, 

Dah kemana-mana kedua duanya kami. 

Harap harap, masih boleh breakfast sesame lagi. walaupun cuma setahun sekali. walaupun dah sepuluh tahun nanti, dua puluh tahun, dah tua mana pun, semoga still in touch lagi. 

In life, you will meet few people that make everything seems magical, cherish them.

Life goes on.

This is a cliche title. Everybody is quoting it. What we learn about life is no matter how complicated it gets, it goes on. It goes on and we ought to move on.

Because time pass.

Most of the time we don't realize that :

Wound heals.
Sadness fades.
Flower blooms.
Kitten grows.
Baby walks.
and
Our heart beats.

Sometimes we are too busy living our life that we forgot the little things that actually meant a lot. What make you happy? Do more of it. Laugh often. As much as you can. and as hard as you can. because there will be days when you cannot even smile.

Eat anything that you want. At anytime that you want if that makes you happy. Anything that you crave for, find it and eat it. Its okay. The calorie will find its way to get out of your body during the sad days when even eating makes you sad and you cannot eat because in between every bite you have to stop and cry and that kills your appetite.

Spend time with people that you love. That you really really like and adore. Put your ego aside. Seriously. Anytime you think of someone, approach them cause you dont know maybe that is the last time that can do that. Its either they died or you died, We dont know when is our last goodbye, so, cherish people. Dont pretend that you dont care if you actually care because maybe you are the only person that care and because you are too ego to show it that person will feel that nobody care for her or him.

No matter how handsome your exboyfriend is, forget him. Eh? oke lets just skip this. erm erm.

Put your family first. At all time. At all life phases that you will be facing. Because friends come and go. Seriously. No matter how much memories that you share with friends, life has its own way to show you that the only thing that will remain is family. No matter how much you love your best friend, you have to accept this. But as an only child that only have a mom and sometimes a dad , with no siblings, I have so much love to be given out so I love my friends like family. Lucky them. haha. Poor me. Syok sendiri.

Hug a cat! The feeling is so awesome! Hug it tight close to you chest feel it. Yes, thats your soul vibrating. Okay if u're not a cat person just skip this too. Hahaha.

Hug your mom! of course.

Have a good sleep anytime when you're sleepy. Day or night. Who cares. Nak tido. Tido je. Got class? Skip. You dont have to follow the rules all the time. Dont be so skema. Be cool. Haha.

Karangan pertama.

Jadi 

sebenarnya, aku buat blog baru sebab konon-kononnya nak start hidup baru. Banyak kebodohan-kebodohan lalu yg buat aku jadik lebih dari malu. Ada masa diam termangu sayu. Hidup, ialah benda yg berterusan tanpa pedulik apa kau rasa , dan tanpa tunggu luka-luka kau sembuh kering seperti biasa. Hidup tak macam tu. Selagi kau tak mati, selagi itulah cerita hidup akan terus berkesinambungan bab demi bab sehingga ajal datang meletakkan titik noktah yg abadi. 

Sedih.

Ialah benda yang berhantu. Walau mcm mana kau cuba pura-pura bahagia tapi ada ketika-ketika nya sakitnya menikam jua. Ada masa mungkin kau lupa tapi hampir sentiasa kau terhanyut jua. Entah ada atau tak org yang boleh senang-senang buang kesedihan, kalau ada, bagi lah tau aku, apa rahsia? Baca Quran! Ya, baca. Lepastu angin-angin sayu datang mendayu-dayu bertalu-talu. Hilang kejap. Datang selalu. Sebenarnya, apa yang diperlukan ialah masa. Semua benda dalam dunia ni perlukan masa untuk sembuh, cuma aku yang tak tahu sabar. Kan? Doa!, ini nak exam je baru nak doa, mcm mana, dahla dewan exam memang jarang-jarang bawa bahagia. HAHA. 

Sebenarnya.

Walaupun hidup ni pathetic, tapi indah. Cuba kau tengok langit, cantik? Kan. Memanglah kalau tengah mendung guruh kilat berdentam dentum, memanglah mana cantik. Tapi mana ada sentiasa langit suram. Waktu tengah ayu biru macam boleh buat cover buku tu, cantik dia sampai bila tengok je rasa heaven gila. Tapi tak selalu org nak pandang langit kalau takda apa-apa. Bila dengar guruh baru sibuk terhendap-hendap. Except for kalau nak jemur baju then nak keluar, haa masa tu adalah cuba-cuba bakat nak telek-telek cuaca. HAHA. Kan. Life is like that. Bila tak sedih, tak serabut, tak sakit, tak lonely kita jadik tak perasan yang sebenarnya kita bahagia. People wait all life for happiness. Dan hanya perasan yang mereka pernah happy bila tengah down. 

Sudah-sudah la tu. Emo tak menentu. Sory terbawak kau masuk dalam mood kelam aku. 

2014 tak berapa rasa mcm tahun baru sebab masa new year eve tu tengah-tengah final exam. So tak rasa fresh pun. HAHA. Entah. Sekarang ada dua countdown dalam hidup. The first one is, Semester 6 which has 10 days left. Andddddd the second one is Java Trip which has 57 days left. Kinda excited for both. Let's see what life has to offer kan.